bad bad nothing but bad

including my attitude...

Sigh.

Yesterday I woke up at 730 with the intention of working out before I went to work at 1030.

and didn't do it.

and didn't eat anything for most of the day but a banana as punishment

and made a very solemn vow that i would go home immediately after our last show at 10pm and work out at the hotel gym - which stays open 24 hours.

and then went out for dinner and made some decent choices - salmon, mashed sweet potatoes, salad and only one piece of bread... - and got halfway into the second show...

wherein there was talk about car bombs after work at the irish bar down the street.

and in the space of an hour, 4 people walked by me and said "are you coming out for car bombs?"

much like passes past the cookie table, this shit wears you down.

So, a not so long but predictable story later, i go out instead of going home.

BUT I only had one car bomb and then drank soda water with lime and got home at 1230.

ugh.

So I got up this morning and went to the gym and my running just sucked ass. I don't know if it was the different treadmill or missing a day or just the alignment of the planets but I.just.couldn't.run.

from minute #1 my legs hurt, my lungs hurt... my brain hurt. my soul hurt a little.

and then I got mad. And kept walking and then running, and trying to modify the incline/mph ratio to make it palatable, nothing worked and then my hamstring started to hurt in this piercing pain kind of way so I finally said something pissy like "so mad about this!" in my out loud voice in this tiny tiny gym hotel surrounded by several actors and musicians - the crowd doing nothing to improve my mood - and turned off the machine and stormed out the door.

nice.

and mature.

I'm sure there's a lesson here. But I do think that despite everything else I'm suffering from two things:

1. The idea that just because I put out effort 4 days in a row I should be seeing drastic improvements and then getting pouty when it doesn't happen...

2. i think I need to eat more regularly. Not just once a day.

So... to that end I came to work, had some oatmeal and a banana and I'll eat something reasonable in between shows and then eat something else when I get back to the hotel tonight.

Also, I'm going to try waking up and doing some yoga first thing to get myself going so I don't sit around for 2 hours debating going to the gym and never going.

again, ugh.

that is all.