The good: I actually got to the gym and ran both yesterday and today. Unfortunately today I pulled out that stupid "Emergency stop" magnet thing on treadmills that stops the treadmill and deletes all trace of your progress and I'm OCD enough to want to know exactly how many minutes I was on the treadmill and now I don't know!! very upsetting... But I'm pretty sure it was around 30.
I'm having the most trouble with my mind. My body hurts but after the first half mile it loosens up. It's the "Aren't you tired? don't you want to stop? why are you doing this? Just cut it short this one time..." bullshit that loops through my mind that's maddening. I want to just zone out but I have to keep actively crushing that voice in my head. You'd think that would burn a lot more calories, given how much work it is.
And I know I can't keep doing this and hate it. I have to come to some kind of equilibrium and let it just be something I do. not be so invested emotionally... I'm hoping that will come in the next week or the next month will be excruciating.
Yesterday I also did three sets of 10 terrible imperfect pushups. I'm so weak it's frightening and those "perfect pushup" things kick my ass. I have to do girl pushups with them, which hurts my soul a little. I aspire to 3 sets of 10 manly perfect pushups.
The bad: I ate 4 (four!) snack packages of cheetos last night and drank my weight in jameson irish whiskey! I knew I was going to give myself leeway but 4 packages? What the hell???
Today we had a big christmas dinner and I resisted my third serving of mashed potatoes. I'm putting that in the good category since I got my ass to the gym on Christmas day. I'm happy to just have gotten out of bed and done something productive given how much I drank last night... I plan to do some yoga tonight - mostly for the stretching calming benefits - and do my ab workout. It seems I'm going to alternate between running and pushups and running and abs.
So... more running tomorrow and no more leeway on food. I don't have a diet plan right now, I'm kind of making all this up as I go along. My general plan is to practice more discipline in all areas. That includes and isn't limited to: getting more regular sleep, getting up at the same time every day, working out every day and spending less of my free time online - I can probably use the time to sleep instead.
I'll post about the massage here when I get back tonight. It fits in with all of the above stuff...
xoxox to E!
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